well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need water and some morals
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
