so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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