I'm going to jail i love you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
