Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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