Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
