Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
