we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
