I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
