the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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