Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
