They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
