Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
