i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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