Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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