would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize