there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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