I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
