I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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