Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
