he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i think my cat just said my name.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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