GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
