It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
