When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it glows. i had to have it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
