From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
