Non-Jews are for practice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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