do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
