I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
