FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
