i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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