The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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