I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
