two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
In America we eat man semen.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
