Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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