I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
