Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
