I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
