i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
