hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
