People with herpes should wear stickers.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
