i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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