and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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