On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We need to get me chipped asap
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
