this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize