Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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