brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I will die if light touches me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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