A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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