My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
