So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
