just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
