Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
