Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
two words...techno handjob
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
