I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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