Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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