who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she peed on how many people?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
