HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
