1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
