I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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