Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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