I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
