Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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