she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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