Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
