peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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