Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
