It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
