I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize