I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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