Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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