Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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